Thursday, 18 July 2013

Sexuality and the virgin. Or are you sure you're not gay?


So I changed my blog setting to adult content cause I'm going to mention/link to some decidedly adult stuff.
To start off, no, no one has ever directly asked me if I'm gay. But I can tell they wonder, what with some sly comments and expectant looks they give after leaving me a place in the conversation for me to  come out. Also my defending of gay rights may have given some people the wrong idea. But heres the thing. I know I'm not gay. Not even a little bit. Not even curious. How do I know this? Well up until about a year ago I didn't, I thought I maybe would be open to trying with a girl or that perhaps even I was repressing my sexuality so badly that I really was gay and that was why I had never had a boyfriend. Well if it was true that would be pretty obvious reason why...... Then I decided to become one of the enlightened masses and look at some free porn of various flavours (I'm inherently cheap so obviously I went with youporn. Duh) and I discovered something very surprising, although I very much liked the idea of being bisexual I just wasn't, I couldn't control my sexuality one bit. And what did I like you ask? Well I liked men. More importantly I liked penises and wasn't all that fussed on what they were attached too or doing. The girls in those clips held no interest, sure I could recognise they were attractive but I wasn't attracted to them, I was attracted to dicks in a visceral unexplainable way. It just was. I liked watching men solo. I even discovered I liked gay porn, double the dicks and all that. So that kicked the whole repressed gay thing right out of the ball park. The asexual one too. That's right at one point I also thought 'hey maybe I'm just asexual!', I'm not. I may not be as sexualy motivated as some people (but I do have a healthy sex life. With myself.) but I'm not asexual either, another what if to strike off the list. I've since become more curious about sex in the real world and I've done some reading/looking around. The internet is a great place LOL Some interesting reading I've discovered:

Dan Savage of savage love-sex advice expert, even mentions virginity a time or two  http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=17272218

Epiphora of Epiphora where sex toys go to be judged, an interesting read of sex toy and porn reviews by a lady (who was a virgin when she first started the blog) 

Courtesy of Epiphora I discovered James Deen (http://jamesdeenblog.com/ !!please be warned this is a graphic pornstar's blog and has content as such!! Also James can come off as a bit of a dick. You've been warned) and Stoya (http://stoya.tumblr.com/ !!same warning as above!! Stoya seems like a very smart chick), it was interesting to read about a world that is basically the polar opposite of mine.

The Incel forums, lots of interesting stories, friendly support and info here
I've joined and I hope to receive permission to post soon.

The Clitoris, chock full of info and pics

Pictures and info about real dicks

Those are the ones I keep coming back to. I'm sure I'll discover many more as I go along. Also if any one is looking for more virgin blogs check out my blog roll in my profile. So where does that leave me? Well at least I know a little bit more about myself. I also now really want one of those vixskin sex toys Epiphora raves about........which is impossible because A my nosy mother (whom I live with) B my nosy sister (whom lives next door) and C My nosy niece (ditto), I have never had a package come once that they haven't wanted to look at (come on open it! What is it?), also theres no way of getting the package past them unseen as we live in the country and every package has to be picked up from the post office and is not delivered to your mailbox. And to be efficient and not waste time/fuel? You guessed it we all go into town together. I haven't even managed to buy condoms yet. Why on gods earth do I need condoms you ask? Well I don't. Not for their intended purpose anyhow, but when you get to my age without using one they take on an almost mythical edge, I want to muck around with them basically. Is it worth a very awkward conversation? Not just yet....
So until next time,
Vanessa

5 comments:

  1. Oh, people, and I am thinking about two male family members in particular, have asked if I like girls. You know, since I'm obviously hiding something.

    For a while in college I thought I might have been repressing attraction towards women since I never had a boyfriend. But I snapped out of that quickly. I just do not harbor those types of feelings towards members of my sex.

    What I feel when accidentally having even the briefest physical contact with a guy is completely different than what I feel when being embraced by a female friend; one I want to last as long as possible, the other I try to keep under three seconds.

    As for my sexuality. That's been something I've always kept in limbo since in my mind sex is a team sport. It's just me, so that's that...

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  2. It is true that without....errr....test driving one can't know 100% for sure. And after writing this I've realised that if I meet a really nice couple who were into me I'd be interested.....what can I say I just like confusing myself I guess...LOL
    I hate that people just assume your gay if you haven't had a boyfriend, or worse that hiding your deep desire for sex with cars or something. IDEK. *sigh*
    Vanessa
    PS I've also realised I'm 26 and it's ridiculous that I have to let my family know every little thing I'm up to, so I've had the 'my mail is private' conversation with my mother and now we'll see if they can all keep out of it. They might get a rude shock if they can't LOL ;)

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  3. Thanks for the links. I've checked out Incel Support, it's a very well managed forum. However, it seems to take forever to get through threads sometimes, so I lose my attention span and move on to something else.

    A lot of people have questioned my sexuality over the years, especially since I'm not flirty or outgoing to new people (especially men). I've been told I come across as someone who would be gay and have been hit on by women. If I were gay I would be open about it, but the truth of the matter is I am attracted to men (but not all of them LOL). I also happen to be pro gay rights as well. The worst part is some people have thought I'm a closeted lesbian and in denial about it, when that is far from the truth. I am in the closet for being relationship inexperienced and a virgin.

    I think it is part of human nature to want to categorize things and people...and if you don't fit into a one neat little box, you belong in another box. Not everyone thinks this way, but a lot of people do.

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    Replies
    1. Put perfectly Neverhadaboyfriend :)
      Vanessa

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  4. Have you though about having a package sent to a friends mailbox and have the friend pick up a package for you? How about using public transportation to get to town? Maybe set up your own mail box at the post office. Once you do manage to get a package by your nosey family, do you have a spot to hide it in your room so they wont find it? Maybe you could hide it in a different location not in the house?

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