Well long time no post, or it feels like anyway. I hope everyone is doing okay.
Things are pretty confusing right now, I'm in a weird position where I should be excited but instead I just have a low level hum of discontent happening. We're going to Canada, from Vancouver to Halifax via rail and plane, we'll be seeing a lot of Canada, my mum will be having a Birthday in Vancouver, we'll be gone for 5 weeks the longest ever so far. I'll be getting a taste of Canada. But. But, what if I hate it? Then I'll have no hazy future plan. What if it's a terrible trip? One of us gets sick and is miserable. There are just so many what if's, and compounding my low level worry is: where the hell is flight MH-370? Seriously. Those poor families still waiting. Awful.
There is also the small matter that Lana Del Rey is having a concert in Toronto while I'm there.....I've been wanting to go see her but being in Aus tours are far and few between. So should I get tickets and go? I want to. But I have to think of my mother too, she'll go if I want but I don't want her to have an awful time......*sigh*
I've seen my head doctor a couple more times, she seems confident and sure but I'm still wavering in really believing her-if I do give in then I can dare plan for the future, as it is I daydream a bit but I don't let myself have too many future plans or dreams because I can't see how I can possibly get there, if I do that it has the potential to be crushing. I live on a low level of unhappiness as it is but having that hope.....and losing it? Maybe disastrous result. But I really want to believe her, believe that there is a hope I can learn to cope and go out on my own. I don't know what to do or what to believe. I'd love to think I can make a plan to head off for 2 years overseas on my own, but really is that realistic? And if so how long should I wait to do that? I suppose I should ask her that but she has made it clear it's a series of steps with no time limits. Hum. I got nuthin.
On the right side I've finally found a pair of ballet flats that fit and I Thai restaurant I like.....it's an hour away but still soooo good.