Wednesday 20 May 2015

That would be a no then?

I've been pretty busy, and as a consequence my online activities have tended to suffer, the internet is the first ball I drop when things get hectic unfortunately. I know there are people who juggle blogs, families, exercise and school. I admire them greatly, but I'm not one of them! So I've been MIA for a bit and after this post I'll probably disappear again for a while. But here's a rough recap of what's happening now and over the next few weeks:
*I'm officially in my second term of school! After this one is done I'm halfway.
*Math this term has been my least favourite kind :( Headache inducing.
*Biology is interesting but the exam I took last term was brutal, hope the next one goes okay
*English is going okay, I've got my grades up to over 80% which I'm pleased about
*Took my first ever driving test. Failed it due to a missed observation check. I didn't cry though!
*Booked in another driving test, which I'm already worried about
*I'm still on track with my running, although I'm getting a bit bored of the treadmill! And I have some new broken capillaries to show for my efforts.
*I'm off to Europe with my sister in my school holidays

I have 3 assignments right now, 2 are things I've never done before (experiment and oral presentation) which is stressful as I'm not sure how to go about doing them and I'm worried I'll get bad marks for them. The other 1 is my math assignment which is full of my weakest areas math wise so is stressful. I've made it this far and I don't want to fail out or quit, but the pressure is on these next few weeks. Then I have 3 exams in as many weeks. So pretty full on!

I've been accepted into uni for next year, the uni I'm thinking of is not prestigious but it does offer the exchange I want in my program. The course I'm interested in is more a practical degree (it's in a health science area) so it doesn't rely on prestige as much as, say, a law degree but still I'm sure some would say go for the more prestigious uni even though it doesn't offer the exchange I want. Any thoughts from out there in the blogosphere?

I'm very nervous over the idea of moving even though it's a while away.

I'll be sure to let you all know how I go! Even if it takes a few weeks.....

Vanessa

PS My blogs second birthday is coming up on the 10th of June! I'll be sure to post something then :)

Friday 1 May 2015

Better at life?

As usual lately some things have happened lately to make me question myself. As you know I ran my own agricultural business for around 3 years, it just broke even, I won prizes and worked 14+ hour days, 7 days a week 10 months of the year (the other 2 were spent getting stuff organised for the coming year). It was exhausting. My competitors spread vicious rumours. I was always on the outer of the group because I wasn't a city person who'd retired and decided to go into this particular field, rather I was born and breed country. People judged me and doubted me due to my age. Then I realised I would never have a chance to travel or go to university, and yes, maybe stupidly, have a relationship. Then my mother got sick and couldn't help share the workload.So I closed the business. All the same people who'd given me a hard time suddenly came out of the woodwork to enquire why I was closing as I was doing so well, and to try and make me feel bad for 'not working hard enough' to keep it going. They also tried to buy my equipment. I withdrew and started about trying to build a better life. People still approach me now to ask if I'll be starting again and why I quit, the truth is it's always in the back of my mind to start up again-but I'm just not sure if the amount of work, lack of outside life and the petty backstabbing is worth it: is that what I really want out of life?
Then I made the mistake at looking up some of my competitors, they all seem happy and to be doing well and I think: am I a failure? Did I give up too soon? Are they better at life? Do people just like them better than me?
Frankly days like this make me feel done with life. I just am sick of always feeling like I'm wrong or I'm doing something wrong. But lets face it I must me, or my life wouldn't look like it does and I wouldn't feel how I feel.
So I guess I get an F in life and the worst part is I always try so hard.

Vanessa