Wednesday 31 July 2013

Really internet people?

Wow is there some misinformation and hating out there on the net. Why do we all need to judge each other so harshly? You want to wait until marriage? Good for you. You don't? Also good for you. I can respect your choice without judging on you. And then writing a whole blog post about why your choice (whichever it is) is really, really bad. If you don't agree fair enough but can't we agree to disagree instead of turning into a judge fest?
Men on body building forums are another one I love (I'm interested in fitness......I sometimes stumble upon these sites and then flee upon the use of the word 'brah'....), I'm not sure what kind of girl they're after but I'm pretty sure she doesn't exist......fitness model? Too muscular brah! That cute 5'5 150 pound size ten girl at starbucks (who incidentally thinks you're cute and would totally go out with you)? Wow she's a whale brah! That goth girl with short hair at the video store? She's a lesbo brah! Righto boys, maybe you should stop taking their pictures and sharing them on a forum of dudes for judgement and go out with her and see if you, shocking thought I know, like her. Also despite what that thread says most girls don't appreciate you 'going all alpha male' and trying to feel them up when they've said no once. Really.
Also the withdrawal and rhythm method are both totally reliable forms of birth control. You know, if you don't mind getting pregnant. Haven't these people watched teen mom?? (edited to add: I am not referring to the body builders forum here, they actually seem quiet up on birth control. Yeah always wrap it brah, it's a well know fact that bishes are just tryin to get pregnant so they can hang onto you and/or claim child support. Sad to think it's sometimes actually true.)
I don't even know,
Vanessa
PS I found this site: http://www.beautyredefined.net/ I thought it was interesting, I don't agree with everything they say but it was enlightening reading.
PPS If you're looking for a cool health and fitness blogger checkout: http://www.naturallyleah.com/
she's a cool chick who's fit but seems to have a healthy view of food and body image.
PPPS I couldn't leave this without my fav line from the body builders forum (commonly seen after rating another dudes looks or body progress): 'srs no homo, brah!' Um okay then.

Wednesday 24 July 2013

Growing up

I think I've done more growing up the last 2 years then I did the previous decade. I'm not really sure how this happened. At all. Maybe it's the realisation that the life you want doesn't just happen....you have to make it happen. And isn't that a scary thought.

Anyway here's a recap of my childhood and teenage years....
I was an incredibly outgoing child, I learned to walk at nine months and was incredibly active. I loved all animals. I used to disappear from my house at all hours after unlocking the child proof lock (I was badddd! My poor mother!) and going walkabout, I'd talk to anyone and everyone, I was unafraid of pretty much everything. I was never clingy or shy. At all. Then when I was 4, a year before most kids, I started primary school. The teacher hated me, I was outgoing and curious and I asked a lot of questions. It didn't take long for the other kids (grades K-6) to figure out they could blame me for any and everything and no questions asked I would be disciplined, it took them only a little longer to figure out they could pick on me without any repercussions, so they did that too. It was awful. I didn't tell my parents what was happening, I can't really say why, I just started to not want to go to school at all and was unhappy. One particular incident has always stuck with me, I was being told off for something I hadn't done and I promptly told the teacher that I didn't like him and wanted to go to a different school. He slapped me across the face. I'd never been psychically disciplined even by my parents. I was distraught, and again, I told no none. He never laid hands on me again, but he continued to belittle and torment me and now instead of just hating him I was terrified of him. I thought things would get better when he finally left, and the new teacher never targeted me, but the precedent of being bullied had being set and continued on unchanged. I finally changed schools for grade 6, and something incredible happened, I was part of the in group! I was one of the 'popular kids'. It was glorious. Unfortunately it only lasted a year and we all disbanded to head to high school. What a nightmare that was. From the get go one girl in my home room table hated me and convinced the other 3 girls to bully me as well. I left most days in tears and spent every lunch break lonely in the library, I made one friend and that was due to her also being bullied-and that was about all we had in common-by the end of the year I was at my wits end and me and my parents decided to take me out of school entirely. I made a pretty poor effort at home schooling (Remember I live in isolated area, I literally didn't see anyone apart from my parents and sisters in that time) until I was 16, I take full responsibility for that I just wasn't motivated, when I turned 16 I joined the family business. About halfway through that year my eldest sister was killed in a car accident about 100 metres from our house, on her way to pick me up to go to the movies, me, my mother and my father were all on the scene. I still remember the way time seemed to slow down as I realised it was her car. I try not to think about it too much as it still upsets me badly. I always think of her as the best of all of us. This of course caused a serious upheaval in the family, gradually we all started getting back to work, but things were never the same. My sister decided to have a baby the next year, hence my niece was born. Working in the family business meant I never saw anyone outside of relatives or people old enough to be my grandfather (who I never met, incidentally), so from 16 to 21 I never really socialised at all. From about 19 on I had my own ideas about opening my own business, still in same area but just a bit different, we discussed this a lot and I worked gradually towards doing it. When I was 21 my father was killed in a workplace accident, again both my mother and I were present. At least we got to say goodbye as he was conscious when he was taken in the ambulance but died on the way to the hospital. It was just me mother and me running the business, my remaining sister busy with her own work and family, it was hard but we kept on and about a year later I opened my own business. It did well, I won many awards and was in heaps of newspapers and magazines, however me and my mother were both working 5am-10pm days 7 days a week and only just breaking even, then my mother got sick (nothing serious, thank god) but it was enough to realise our work load was unsustainable. We shut both my and the family business down when I was 25. I've seemingly spent the last year recovering, reminiscing and thinking about life, how I thought it would be and how it actually is. I've changed my opinions on somethings and realised that the only way to fix me problems is for me to fix them. No one else can do it for me. I've also realised that time seems to go a lot faster now, when I was 16 it seemed forever till I was 19, now I'm 26 and it sure doesn't seem forever to 30. So now I'm in the position of deciding what to do next, go back to school? Travel and work overseas? Start a new business? And I know to do any one of those things I'm going to have to work hard on my social anxiety and what I'm beginning to think is agoraphobia (which I thought was a fear of the outdoors but can also be a fear of leaving a safe person or place, I have safe people), which will be a huge challenge in and of itself. I'm going to have to accept that life is always going to be that much harder for me and that to live it I'm going to have to accept the challenge.
Vanessa
PS I've also found a couple of new virginity blogs, http://perpetualprude.com/ is a voluntary virgin until marriage and looking for Mr right and http://theunfortunatevirginmale.wordpress.com/ who is just unlucky it would seem. I'd like to shout out to anyone who knows of any virgin blogs I haven't mentioned, I love to hear about/read them!

Monday 15 July 2013

Cory Monteith


I was really shocked when I heard that Cory had been found dead, he seemed to have such a bright future. It just goes to show that even when things look 'perfect' from the outside we don't ever really know what's going on with someone. Cory had a great career, a girlfriend who obviously loved and supported him (him and Lea always seemed to be beaming when they were with each other) and he'd also recognised his issue with drugs and, so it seemed, dealt with them. I can only imagine how shocked his loved ones are at this happening so soon after his rehab stay.
A life cut short by his own hand (of course this is not confirmed yet, but seems likely), on his own in a hotel room. What things must have been haunting him to make him feel that way? What was going on in his head? We'll probably never know. But it just shows that it's not what we have that makes us happy, a lesson I hope I can learn for myself- a boyfriend does not equal instant happiness or even improvement. How I'm feeling comes from the inside out and that's what I need to work on. I only wish that Cory hadn't been my wakeup call.
Very sad,
Vanessa
PS I was also shocked by Heath Ledgers death, but I was a lot younger and had yet to have the second of 2 very traumatising life events at the time, it seemed a lot more black and white somehow. 

Tuesday 9 July 2013

Dear sister

So I got a puppy, mostly for my mum but as she complains whenever I get her something its officially my puppy-we share custody LOL, it's a small delicate toy variety of puppy. ie it's totally unsuitable for any kind of children to play with. At all. Cue my sister bringing her 10 year old daughter across, we say she can pat it through the crate but that is it. Cue the 'can't we get it out?', 'why don't you let her hold it on the floor?', 'she won't hurt it!' look I'm not trying to imply that she'd purposely hurt the puppy but I've seen her drop her own dog on its head numerous times, she's a kid. She thinks it's a good idea to drag a dog behind her bicycle or throw it off the porch to see what it does and you will get distracted and not be watching her closely. It's a very squirmy puppy and I'm sure it would get dropped. So please don't make me feel like the bad guy all the time. And if she really wants a puppy, get your own, preferably a nice sturdy golden retriever or the like who won't suffer any ill effects from being dropped/stood on/dragged behind a bike. Lets leave it at that, okay?
Vanessa

Wednesday 3 July 2013

In the closet

I can't help feeling that later in life virgins are, effectively, in the closet. It has all the hallmarks, we're ashamed,  scared and worried about being recognised. Of all the virgin blogs and articles I've read none that I can remember used real names or photos. We don't chat about our lives in detail or post pics because we're worried someone will find out, we exist in a mostly anonymous way on the net for the most part-and I can't cast any stones because I am the same. I feel like I shouldn't have to feel this way but I do. I can only hope one day I'll no longer feel that way, in the mean time I hope if I'm ever in a positon to meet some of the other lovely lady bloggers out there they'll agree and we can have a real chat about what it's like being us :)
Vanessa

Monday 1 July 2013

Differing perspectives

I've thought quiet a bit over my last post and I'd like to add a different perspective:
On my trip to Russia (with my mum in tow) I was part of a group of 10, varying ages (mostly 50+) and most traveling solo (but married, only solo because their spouse didn't want to go). I had no trouble with them and it's probably the most social I've ever felt as in I wanted to go with them and was a bit disappointed when mum was too tired or wanted to see something else. We went out to dinner together independently of the tour and it was fun. Now for the interesting perspective, one of the group was a psychologist (councils troubled kids) and she asked me what I did/wanted to do, I told her I'd love to trip around Canada for a year or 2, maybe even go to school there. And here's the surprising part. She said she thought I'd do well, that I was 'calm, cool and I'd make friends easily'. Heh. I didn't correct her, but obviously I can put up a good enough front when needed, if only I could do it all the time. But it's made me think, I live in a small rural community, here I'm always going to be 'weird' but if I moved to a bigger place I'd have no stigma and maybe I could make friends? It's food for thought anyhow.
Vanessa