These last few weeks have been a compilation of confusion and stress. School started back and we have a new english teacher, I didn't realise how much this would affect me-its made me very unsure and anxious, hopefully I'll adjust. She's a lot tougher than our previous teacher and more strict with timing and assignment outlines. She also occasionally treats us like we're all 5 years old. I've already done one test in english and now our first assignment is another oral presentation, which was the main assignment I had trouble with last semester. Laying out, planning and writing a oral presentation (with a power point presentation) is really difficult for me, at least essays are just a simple formula of intro, 3-4 body paragraphs and a conclusion. I've only got a week and 2 days to get it done too, so I'm pretty stressed......and as all class A procrastinators do I'm avoiding it like the plague instead of actually attempting to get started. My friend at school loves oral presentations so I can't even get any sympathy from her :( We've also got our first book based essay too, can't say I'm looking forward to that. At all. Oh and math this semester is the kind of math I hate, ratios and probability, so it's a slow slog through that as well. Biology so far has been okay, although the exam is always a killer, I'l give it my best shot. I keep telling myself that if I finish I'll buy a nice dress for graduation and maybe get my hair braided or something.....but I also want a dress I can wear again, I'm looking at these right now cause I think they're casual enough to wear agin but could also double as slightly dressed up
I've been out with my school friend to lunch a couple of times and also to a couple of sports games (as spectators) which has been nice, but I do feel the age gap keenly on occasion. It's also hard watching people 10 years your junior have boyfriends and girlfriends when you're out on your own. My friend bought her younger sister and her friend along to the sporting game and we went for ice cream after and they started talking about how many kisses they'd had and I just didn't say anything, I felt like shocking them by saying I'd had none but my better sense told me that would be stupid so I kept quiet. I'm glad I didn't say anything now, who knows what they would've decided to do and maybe they would've brought it up again later. But I felt very apart at that moment, I may be older and wiser in some ways but in others I'm 12 and maybe always will be :( It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.
And then we went to visit our small farm down the coast, its currently rented, but my mum has said its 'her retirement fund' so as she's due for retirement she was thinking to either live there or sell. There's a new road going in and this is the first time we've seen it in person. Well, its awful. The road is now looming 2 stories above our property and the noise is pretty epic, you can see it from everywhere on the block. It's devalued the property by half and the existing house site is no longer useable, well unless you'd like to live in the shadow of a highway. My mum is no longer sure she wants to live there at all but the selling of it is now no longer going to enable her to buy elsewhere. Its a mess :( I'm really sad about it as if a house was built my mum was going to leave it to me, but now that's not going to happen. It was a really beautiful place, I can't believe they've ruined it so badly, I always loved it there but yesterday I left with a heavy heart-nothing in my life is the same anymore, first the farm and now this little block that I'd always imagined living on one day ruined. I'm feeling a little down about it all.
I've also been thinking hard about university, I know it would be a great thing to do but I'm still concerned about my ability to cope with the whole moving/starting uni/living like a normal person. I have some time to think luckily but it seems to be coming up so quick! What do you guys think? Uni or working holiday?