Friday, 18 April 2014

It really doesn't matter.....

I've read a few articles and have seen advice given to lot's of people in my situation 'it really doesn't matter! It'll happen when you're ready/least expect it/stop thinking about it! Besides you can be happy single!', okay I get that they are just trying to make people feel better (trust me 100% I get that) but discounting those people who don't want a relationship (that's their choice, all the power to them!), I feel this is a bit dismissive. I think it does matter that we are missing out, after all about 95% of the population over 25 are coupled up/have children/or both-I feel that we are missing a pretty huge chunk of the human experience. Of life. Sure these relationships may not last, but still the experience is had. I also understand where people are coming from with the whole 'virginity is no big deal' thing, it's not like we have a dot on our forehead that changes colour after we loose it and it really doesn't affect our life in a physical way-but it does matter. Why? Well I think having a first relationship becomes even harder when you are a virgin as well. Not only are you nervous about a whole host of usual normal things you also have the v-card hanging over your head. Do you admit to it? How do you explain? Will they be able to tell? So as much as virginity in and of itself isn't important it's important in the context of trying to form a relationship. Well that's my take anyway.



  1. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the "it'll happen when you're not looking" advice! For me, nothing happened when I was doing nothing, and I had to put time and effort into getting things to start happening.

    But with the "virgin" thing - if a guy likes you and wants to try having a relationship with you, I really don't think he'll mind that you're a virgin - he might even enjoy the idea of being your "first". You're not obliged to tell him upfront if you don't feel like it, but I think it's unlikely to do any harm if you did tell him.

    1. I agree, working towards it certainly can't hurt the situation. And I also agree, to a point, about the virgin thing-after about 30 I think it becomes another issue atop a bunch of issues that makes things more complicated. Not impossible of course just harder.

  2. Now that I'm nearing thirty, I'm actually starting to feel the pressure to "get it over with. "

    And I totally agree; it's not just the virginity thing.

    It's trying to get over years of self-consciousness, doubt, body image issues, self worth issues to not screw up your one chance (because if you got to 27 boy-friendless, it might just be your only chance), possibly settling for someone you don't like or not attracted to, and learning relationship skills that should have been developed, I don't know, a decade ago. Let's just start at making friends with a guy and learning to have those romantic and sexual feelings towards another person and being able to comprehend that someone could have those feeling towards you as well and not lose your mind. Before that, Dating, the thing that even the experienced fumble at. Or heck, finding a guy that actually likes you and will look at you for more than three seconds.

    Of course it matters. There's a reason why we are the way we are. For good and bad. I used to think I could just explain my situation by stating, "it just never happened." What does that mean actually? The truth? I'm scared, no one ever liked me enough, and I am too proud to put myself out there because that would mean that I am desperate for something that obviously is not meant for me.