What are the important questions? I guess they differ from person to person. For me my biggest question is, does anything I do really matter if there's no one to share it with? Theoretically speaking I know it does, there are other people out there who've proven it, but I guess I want to share with others, I want someone to pat me on the back and say well done or give me advice on what now or what next. I fight not to lose interest when I don't have someone else to share my interest. I need to work on that. I shouldn't need outside validation to make something seem worthwhile.
So I guess my biggest question, for now anyway, is how to feel validated even if I never have other people. I know this problem isn't limited to just me as it's been mentioned on the incel forums quite a bit, it's a gnarly one alright a bit like the ole if a tree falls conundrum.
Another smaller question that bothers me on and off is how I look. This will sound weird, but basically I couldn't tell you if I'm plain, ugly or pretty-I look in the mirror and I can't tell, so I go with the happy medium of 'plain'. I've been told I'm attractive on a few occasions but how do I know if that's true? I'm not about to post my pic on one of those rate it websites and it feels silly asking others for opinions. All I could say for sure is I have big eyes and high cheek bones, apart from that I don't know. Is it worth trying to learn to apply makeup and do my hair if I've not got the base needed to make me look good? Do I look like my sister or is she really that much more attractive than me, as I see it? I don't know how other girls know if they are attractive, I guess they base it on male attention......based on that I'm an orc.
In other news I'm considering doing a tertiary prep course, I'm a bit unsure about it though as it's a condensed version over 6 weeks instead of 12 weeks (as I missed the term 2 enrolment but can make the summer one)-maybe too much for me? And I wonder if it's enough or if I need more. It's out of state too so I'd have to move as well........I'll let you guys know what I'm up to when I decide. In the meantime I'm thinking of learning to knit :)
Vanessa
I think that the things that you do still matter whether or not you're sharing them with someone. I also think that being good friends with yourself puts you in a good position for being in a healthy relationship. When I was single I placed a lot of importance on finding a relationship, but now I realise that my relationship with myself is the most important relationship I'll ever have. Might sound cheesy but I think it's true.
ReplyDeleteAs for the looks thing: I guess it may be hard to know if you never ask anyone. I was about to suggest the "Hot or Not" website until I read your next sentence! I don't see the harm in trying that (I did it once) - you can always take the picture down after a bit. But any rating will partly depend on the particular picture that you choose.
Anyway, different people have different tastes, so you might be attractive to some people and not others. I know that there are a few people at the extremes of the spectrum who seem objectively hot or not (although even then not everyone agrees: I've never found Gwyneth Paltrow or Cate Blanchett attractive, for instance) but most of us are somewhere in the middle - some people will fancy us and some won't. Based on your self-description I think you'll get on fine, if you start meeting a lot more guys and finding ways to get to know them a bit ;)
Yeah it's hard being your own friend I find, I can find fault with most things that involve myself.
ReplyDeleteExactly! I just think my ego is a bit too fragile for a hot or not website to be honest ;)
Very true. We all find different things cute, and comparing celeb tastes is quite funny, my favourite actress is Rachel McAdams :) I hope you're right!