Sunday 10 April 2016

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated

Okay, okay maybe you haven't just assumed I died because I've not been around. I've been missing for 5 months from the blogasphere though, which is shameful. Let me sum up the last 5 months: went for a one month trip to NZ with the friend-it was okay, we didn't kill each other and we still speak, wasn't perfect though, started uni.............been swamped with uni ever since. Uni is much harder to adjust to than I thought it would be. I don't feel at home there, its cold and impersonal, I feel like a number. The work is mostly self guided and taught, I underestimated how much I would dislike that. I feel like my teacher is judging me for asking for an extension despite have a valid reason (hello not sleeping for a week due to anxiety), feeling judged is awful. I feel out of my depth, unsure and unhappy. I'm pushing on as I want to give it my very best shot but I'm not sure what I should do next. I figure I should at least complete the year and see then, but wow it's hard. Finding it hard also makes me feel like a failure. Basically I'm having a hard time right now and I have no idea what to do about it. My friend moved as planned and seems to be doing much better than me, I miss her. After the upheaval this first semester has caused me I'm feeling doubtful about my prospects of surviving an exchange or working holiday. I live in hope though.
So that about sums it up.
Oh and I turned 29 and still haven't had a boyfriend. *sigh*
Vanessa

5 comments:

  1. Nice to hear from you again, and well done on the trip! Sorry to hear that uni is hard. I found it hard as well because I wasn't that keen to be having to study the things that I was studying. I hope that it gets better or that you come up with an awesome alternative plan.

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    1. Hey Matt,
      Maybe it is partially that I don't love the content, but I think truthfully I've never really liked any school so I just have to grit my teeth and do it. I'm also not someone who finds writing easy (and I'm not a particularly pretty writer either) and uni is very much about writing so it takes me longer to write things and also I tend not to mark as well when a lot of the marks are based solely on writing style. And I too hope I can get myself figured out!
      Vanessa

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  2. I'm glad that you're still alive! I've been reading your blog ever since you started it, and I was wondering what happened to you. I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. Does your university offer counseling sessions where you could talk to someone? Maybe they would have some good suggestions for you. Anyway, keep blogging!

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    1. It really made my day to hear you've been reading it from the start :) And I will keep at it! Hopefully I'll have some cool stuff happen over the coming few years! I will definitely go check out the services my uni offers, I need to learn to take advantage of the help offered without feeling guilty over it.
      I hope you'll stick around to see what how the rest of the year unfolds :)
      Vanessa

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