First of all let me just say Hi *waves* My name is Vanessa, I'm 26, I live in Australia and I've never had a boyfriend. Nope. Not ever. Once you've picked yourself up off of the floor and rejoined me (no serious head injuries? Great!), let me just say this (because I know, no matter how nice you are, your wondering what is so terribly wrong with me that this has occurred): I'm not over or under weight, I'm not stunningly attractive or unattractive, I'm not religious nor am I part of a cult (although if anyone wants to pay me good money for virgins blood.......), I'm not scared of sex, I am for all intents and purposes totally average. I will admit to having a bad case of social anxiety, but to be fair in the face of a persistent pursuit from an attractive male this is not such a huge issue-the thing missing is the persistent pursuit-I have a few close friends who vary in age from 26 to 56. I'm also an introvert, I do hangout with my friends on occasion and attend the odd sporting event but mostly I'm at home (with my widowed mother) with a good book or my computer. This may be my biggest problem of all.
Dear reader I can forgive you for thinking the worst of me, as, in fact, I too thought the same until recently when I did what all sensible individuals seeking information do..........I googled it........and discovered there are some seriously cool, kickass chicks out there just like me. And guess what? There's nothing wrong with them either. So that's me in a nutshell. Welcome to the asylum :)
Now onto my first post:
I have a friend, lets call her T, now T stayed with us when she was backpacking around Australia solo (what can I say, I have awesome friends!) and regaled me with tales of an unconventional life, how she didn't want kids, thought the whole marriage/kids thing to be happy was brainwashing and that one could be very happy without either, she showed me her tattoos and told me about all her cool friends. In short T was awesome and helped me feel reassured if it never happens for me I can live just a full and happy life as anyone. I visited T in her native holland just this Feb (on my first overseas trip, with my mum in tow), T was living in a small flat and about to embark on going back to school. She also had a causal boyfriend, who we'll call G, G was a nice enough guy and a kickboxing instructor so quiet fit-I liked him. However he disappeared for a whole day and upon further questioning my friend tells me he regularly does this and the last time he did he'd been arrested. No you did read that right, arrested. For drug related offences. She also tells me she suspects he has 'other' girlfriends.......umm what?? When I expressed my concern she just waved me off "it's not like I'm gonna marry him and have babies or anything!". Okay then. We said out goodbyes and have kept in touch, about a month ago she got kicked out of her flat and then moved into shared student accommodation (she's 31 and G is 42), about a month after that she has 'huge' news to tell me. I immediately guess she's pregnant but let her tell me anyway so I don't spoil it for her. Guess what? She's had a little accident and she's pregnant! I'm happy for her and G, worried, but I hope they'll make it work. At the same time I'm pissed at the universe, here's T someone who doesn't care if she gets married or has kids doing just that, and here I am knowing thats what I want (the kids part later!) but trying to come to terms with it maybe never happening. *sigh* I'm now on the lookout for a cute gift to send her, I'm sure her baby will be beautiful :)
On another note I was out with my friend K, who's the same age as me and has been single for a year now, and I asked her if she's as happy on her own as she was with her long term ex boyfriend.......apparently she thought I was questioning her ability to find a new boyfriend??.....she looked at me and said "I'm not planning on staying single, if that's what you mean." Well. F*ck you too lady, my singleness is not contagious nor is it my choice. I don't want you to sign up or wear a T-shirt, I was just hoping you could tell me if you felt you could be just as happy outside a relationship. Sorry my mistake and be assured I won't ask again. Also after you've just condescended to me I don't feel like discussing which dude at the sporting event we just attended has the cutest butt. Sorry.
Anyhow until next time that's me out,
Vanessa
PS please excuse any spelling and/or grammer mistakes. I know I suck ;)
Welcome, fellow Unicorn! Are we twins (same age, totally average, nonreligious, the social anxiety, etc...)? I guess T is going where life takes her. I can understand how having this person you admire for their independence suddenly doing a 180 can leave you reeling. What can you do? Support her, the best you can and still hold on to what you once admired her for.
ReplyDeleteAs for your other friend. Yeah, kinda makes you think about what she really thinks about your terminal singleness, huh? My friend T once told me that she'll cry if I get married before her. I just brush those comments off my shoulders.
I look forward to reading your blog!
We can be twins if you'd like, I've always thought it would be cool ;) Us unicorns being an endangered species and all it makes sense to stick together! Yeah, it'd have been less of a shock if she hadn't told me she hated kids and had broken off some friendships due to friends having kids, isn't she lucky I'm not like that LOL As for K I'm pretty used to it, just this subtle feeling that I'm not good enough, I brush it off, but I do sometimes wonder........I don't have many friends but should I really keep one who makes me feel like I'm not good enough?
ReplyDeleteVanessa
Now that's what you call hypocrisy. I wonder what made her change her mind?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I have that dilemma as well-sometimes I want to just move away and start over, recreate myself with different people.