Well at least for me it is anyway. The closer I get to starting uni the larger my panic looms. It's great.
I want to slap myself for being so painful but I honestly can't help it I'm afraid.
I'm booked in for my first appointment with, lets call her, Dr L-I'm freaking out over that too, can I not stay locked in my room forever instead? Then I remember that I was the one who wanted out *sigh*
I'm also freaking out at going from zero to uni, my brain is most probably mush by now and what if I miss a Jesse stone episode? I realise this is an unreasonable feeling, I need to do something obviously, but I'm still worried over it. I'm also worried that my sister will find it breezy and I'll struggle-let it not be said that sibling rivalry is dead. Mind you I'm also talking about going for a weeks overseas holiday in June with her so it can't be all bad-only problem is I want to do the deep south USA and she wants to go to Vietnam. Pros for Vietnam: pretty, shorter flight Cons: hygiene (as someone with a sensitive tummy this matters), toilets (yeah I've been reading asian toilet horror stories. What?) Pros for USA: speak english (sort of..), the food, Elvis! (we get to visit Memphis), New Orleans, toilets (umm..) Cons: don't know, alligators maybe? Moot point anyhow those things are like pussy cats compared to a salt water croc anyhow. Clearly I'm winning this. Or not.
I think I've figured out why getting older bothers me so much: it's my identity basically. I've always been the youngest one in my class or group or whatever, I may have been too young but I've never been to old. So who am I now I'm not that person? Identity crisis's r us, that's who. Being too young has a self solving solution being too old? Not so much. And I missed out on a lot of 'young' experiences like backpacking-sure I can still go at 30 but I see just as many 'creepy 30 year old backpacker' posts as I do supportive ones and either way I'm likely to be the odd one out. Sucks. There's also the fact that I'm looking at 4 years of school during which I can't really do anything travel wise (or otherwise really)-it's going to make getting my visa before 31 a tight squeeze and then I'll be a 31 year old fresh graduate in a different country looking for a job. Doesn't sound like a recipe for success really.
I'm feeling distant from everyone (I'm curious who the people are who visit this blog but never comment), even my friends, maybe I'm projecting but I feel like everyone is bored of me or irritated at me. The only person who seems to like me is my hairdresser and she's paid. And I think she only likes me because I let her braid my hair.
I'm also considering starting a sister blog over at wordpress.....it seems more popular...what do you guys think?