I really don't know....

I'm really not sure what I'm doing right now. I'm just so unsure about everything. I've been cruising travelling blogs and feeling a bit hopeless. I'm very directionless *sigh*
But it looks like we will likely be heading to Canada in May, like 70% sure.......we'll see.
On that note icebreaker clothes are great for travel, a bit spendy though, I found some 40% off though! Score!

Anyway my blog isn't very exciting at the moment I know, maybe I'm just boring.

Vanessa

Social constructs

My niece asked my sister about one of her friends today, it went like this: 'how old is L?' my sister '40 something' my niece 'is she married?' my sister 'no' my niece 'well she should be'
She's 10 but already society has told her you need a boyfriend/husband or you're worthless. I'm sure they've talked about me too, thank god it wasn't in front of me.

In other news I may be headed off to Canada with my mum at some point in the next few months-something to look forward to I hope :)

Vanessa

Moving the goal posts

I guess one of my major frustrations is that every time I think I have things even remotely sorted out everything seems to change. Just when I think I've got a plan it falls to pieces. It's really frustrating. I feel like the universe keeps moving the goal posts without consulting me first, that I'm aiming at a moving target that keeps changing the rules on me. I hate that feeling. Let me explain.
So remember my telling you all about the math evaluation? I'd just gotten my head around that, started thinking about ways to sort it out. The universe had other plans, the course advisor rang on friday (2 days before the classes are due to start) and told us the course we'd enrolled in was cancelled due to a lack of enrolments........I seriously wondered if I was a part of a weird reality TV show I was unaware of at this point........because seriously? My sister went into serious meltdown mode TM and made everyone even more miserable. I was just left reeling, this course isn't offered in many places so to attend another uni we'd have to move out of state-which I don't feel able to do on my own right now and my sister isn't interested in doing. So serious road block. At the same time I got word back from the Canadian uni's I'd emailed about joint recognition of the degree with some interesting info: to complete the 12 week practicum you have to be a permanent Canadian resident....which makes very little sense really, as the profession is on their skills shortage list. Hm. The lady at the uni was nice and advised if I wanted to work in Canada I'd need to transfer after 2 years in Aus into a Canadian uni and complete 2 years there. Which sounds nice in theory but impractical in practice: it's really expensive as a foreign student (about 30,000 a year I think) and they have pretty strict admissions, even an average student would appear unlikely to get in. Of course often what is in print and what is reality are 3 different things. All a moot point now it would seem in any case.
So now I'm desperately going over all my other options as every course deadline seems to be within a week and I have no idea what to do. My sister think maybe she's found a different degree she can do which is good for her, I so far haven't found any but the original one I was thinking of doing: basically a 3 year undergrad in nutrition and then a 1 1/2 year masters in dietetics, by the time I've done the math catch up this will spread to about 5 years total. If I was 20? I wouldn't think twice, but I'm not, I'm soon to be 27 and if I spend 5 years at school where I figure I'm unlikely to meet anyone much (reason 1: they are all too young for me, reason 2: 99% of people in this particular field are female, reason 3: in the same area I've always been in, feel uncomfortable trying online dating here) I'll be getting past the 'I still have time' stage and into the 'seriously if you want a family, panic now!' stage. Also if I take this path I'll basically graduate and then have to leave on my work visa straight away: apply for a work visa before 31st birthday and then have one year to activate, the end of that one year will be just after graduation.....if all goes to plan...if not the plan is totally blown out of the water and there's no way of getting a visa apart from a student one. But really I don't have another plan, I don't know what to do.
I've thought of starting the course whilst hopefully working on my anxiety and then taking 2 years off whenever I feel able to travel whilst the visa is still available, I've thought of taking all the units that are available that coincide with the cancelled degree and then trying to transfer over to Canada, I'd be missing some degree specific units but have all the general ones (like chem, bio, food science) so maybe that would work? I've thought of starting the nutrition degree here doing the general units and hoping I'll feel confident to transfer out of the nutrition degree and into the other out of state one. I've thought of completing the 5 years and then enrolling in, say, a 12 month pottery course in Canada to get the student visa (you can stay on the same amount of time after you studied), working as a dietician and then applying for an experience class visa.
I'm just going in circles as I can't seem to find a suitable solution that doesn't cut me off in the future somehow. It's got me in a bit of a funk, I just can't see a good way to do what I really want.
To all those people out there who fell into an overseas job or whose company have overseas offices or who meet someone, fell in love and moved overseas-I really hope you're enjoying it! Send some good luck vibes my way please, I really could use them.
Vanessa

What next? What now? And how?

So as I see it I have a few options, all have pros and cons of course, but anyway here they are:
# I can do an evaluation and start wherever I need to then work through to the level of math I'll need-problems with this? It may take 2 years and there is no guarantee I still won't stumble as I reach the tougher stuff.
# I can forget the whole math business and try for something english based-problems with this? Nothing english based really jumps out at me. Harder to travel with one of these.
# I can forget the whole thing and work on getting travel ready and head off for a couple of years world travel before coming back and wading back in. By doing this I'm using up my chance of getting a work visa post degree as I'll have passed the cut off. I can still get a student one though.
# I can muddle about here and try and restart the family business. The only thing wrong with this is it's going to keep me isolated and I'm not going to meet new people.

I'm not really sure what to do. My sister has made such a drama over this it's unreal! We're both in the same boat math wise but she's making out it's mainly my fault that I'm such a dunce at math that I'm holding her back-hence we are both headed to the math evaluation. She is admittedly better then me, and will likely head into year 12 level with not too many issues, whereas I suspect I'll be heading into year 10 level to start. I'm hoping it'll take a max of 1 year to catch up.......but I can't find any solid info from anyone whose done that or who can tell if it's realistic or not to try. Theres no point pushing through in 1 year if I can' remember/understand it anyway. It's a serious pickle to be in. These math units are offered as part of a whole course, it also includes intro chem and bio too, I think it's be smart to take those classes too but my sister doesn't want to and I can't drive myself. Anyway it sucks.

And just to add to the unrest a hobby league ice hockey club has started up, they say the accept people who've never skated, I'd love to go but my anxiety stops me. It's frustrating.

I also can't help but wonder if I just really am not that bright and should forget it.
Vanessa
PS I managed to miss the 2nd episode of Sherlock. I'm that hopeless. I'm really loving True Detective.....Rust reminds me a bit if myself. I laughed when he got banned by Marty from philosophising in the car :)

Surprise! Math=the devil.

Guess what? After buying all our textbooks (and stocking up on unnecessary stationary........) and going to uni orientation (which was, to my amazement, pretty fun), I went online to read the unit outlines-and guess what? We have a math evaluation. That's not so bad I hear you saying, well maybe normally you'd be right......but it's the same one the engineer students have to take. Make no mistake I think being an engineer is an awesome job, and guess what? If I'd thought I could do the math I would've been all over that. There is no way I can wing this level of math. Oh and just to put icing on the cake you need an 80% to pass the module. Yeah? On what planet I wonder. Now I know chemistry includes math-I get that-and I think I possibly would've been able to handle the few chem specific bits I would've had to learn, but theres not a snowballs that I can manage to master engineer level math in a 6 weeks (maybe someone who just grasps math intrinsically could but it's undoubtably my weakest point). So now I feel like a bit of a fraud, I've been talking about this to everyone, posting about it here etc and now I feel like I've deceived everyone :( I honestly was keen to have a go and now this. Let this be a lesson kids: finish school and take that math class! You might need it someday!
Uni orientation was an eye opener, I  can see how 'normal' people would have a blast at uni! All the community, activities and clubs would be fabulous fun for your average young person. It really made me wish I'd gone as a kid. Well maybe a normal kid, no doubt I would've had a shit time as the shy reclusive teenager I was. They probably would've started a club just for people who didn't like me to join. Anyway no point dwelling.
In other news I went to my first brain doctor session: I really like her, she's super nice and not condescending at all. She said she likes working with people like me as she gets great results. I'm still a bit sceptical and nervous to share everything with her. But overall it was much nicer then I thought. I told her about uni of course *sigh* I feel like such a dummy.
Vanessa

Ugh

That just about describes my week really. I'm really confused about my uni degree, I have a sore tongue, pulled all my back and neck muscles, had a splitting headache and difficulty sleeping. It's been great.
With my degree I'm just not sure if I should go the longer path of 5 years when there is a different degree I can do in 3 years, it's not as prestigious but it still has good prospects and pay-it's also on the skilled job list for Canada which is a bonus for sure.......but not without complications.....as I need to have my qualifications cross referenced and do any bridging needed, do a 12 week field placement (and for the life of me I can't find out how hard it might be to get a placement....) and an exam. And of course it may come off the skilled list in any time in the next three years. I'm stressed out about what decision to make and by family aren't being much help, I'm keen to knock off 2 years as time is ticking.......but am I doing the right thing? I just don't know. I also really need to get onto getting my licence but I'm not feeling too motivated right now. My interest in the future seems to have just up and disappeared. I want a future but I just can't see one.
Vanessa