Monday 5 January 2015

Could I be anymore awkward?


Probably not. Even though consciously this move hasn't shook me up too badly I think it's doing a number on me subconsciously. I really thought I was improving a little bit before we moved-feeling a tinsy bit more confident and not being so horribly tongue tied and awkward around new people. I seem to have reverted to my silent-unless-spoken-to ways and even then I only give a monosyllabic answer! Argh! People think I'm aloof and arrogant or just a bitch and I have no idea what to do-I just can't seem to get a handle on myself somehow. It's so bloody frustrating! Does any one else have this happen? Or am I just truly unfortunate? It's really not a nice headspace to be in when I'm thinking of trying to go to school and be around other people. Worst is the fact I really, really want to connect with other people but I just can't seem to reach out of my shell :( I feel like a parody of a human being. Something went wrong somewhere along the line with me and I have no idea how to fix it.


I watched 'the wetlands' last night and wished I was more like the lead character (as in she really, really doesn't care)......but really how bad is it when you want to be more like a deranged completely gross chick? Who still got the absolutely gorgeous boy might I add? I'd like tp think I'm not as weird as that chick, but you know what? In a totally different (can't stress this enough....I cringed and laughed my way through the movie in equal parts.....gross man!)  way maybe I'm actually weirder and it's just no one finds my brand of strange all that attractive? 

Vanessa

PS it doesn't help my mum keeps pointing out how award I am. Jesus. Doesn't she think I'd change it if I could?

4 comments:

  1. Vanessa to me it sounds like your suffering from social anxiety or if you were an actress (stage fright) which is being caused by your lack of confidence in yourself. You want to go out and meet people but you just don't know how to get started and when you do attempt to go out and meet people, you get afraid to say the wrong things and you divert back to you lack of confidence in yourself. Don't worry about saying something wrong or different. Being different is what makes you special and what makes everyone unique. I know its hard to get over that first hurdle but once you do so, little by little you will gain full confidence in yourself. I'm rooting for you. Good luck

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    1. Yeah social anxiety and me are unfortunately very well aquatinted, I'd like to kick it to the curb but so far no luck!
      I hope you're right!
      And thanks I appreciate that :)
      Vanessa
      PS hopefully the forum will pop back up sometime and we can all catch up and see what's going on ")

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  2. Awwh! I totally feel for you and how you are feeling, especially with not being sure about being confident around new folks, and what they would think, etc.! And yes, it is incredible how many people confuse shyness with arrogance or aloofness! :( Or maybe you just need a few more genuinely nice and supportive folks in your life - and then, shyness would naturally diminish? After all, it's rather scary having to force yourself to be social with random humans who you may or may not have anything in common.

    By the way, what is the "Wetlands?" Is it a series?

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    1. It's really annoying how people don't seem to understand being shy doesn't make you a serial killer!
      Yeah a few nice friends would help no end I'm sure, it's just the making them part that's difficult!
      Scary indeed!

      The wetlands is a german movie, gross for sure but also interesting to watch :)

      Vanessa

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