Next week will be my 7th week of school, I have done 2 english assignments, 1 biology assignment and 1 math assignment-no results on any of these yet but I hope I passed! It's hard to believe term one of four is almost over-2 more weeks to go! Unfortunately these 2 weeks contain 3 exams, I break into a cold sweat just thinking about it-and then I have 2 weeks holidays! I've made it this far which feels like an achievement, even if it's only a small one. I do feel like maybe I haven't studied enough, which I always feel no matter how much I've done, and sometimes it all seems like french to me. I just hope I pass. People have noticed I stress out and doubt myself over assignments something fierce and its always embarrassing when people notice that kind of thing :(
But onto confidence. I don't have any and I hate it. It casts shadows over my whole life, love things that should be fun and exciting. Examples? Gladly: my mum wants to go on a holiday in, well, the holidays to QLD. At first I was really excited-a beach holiday! Snorkelling the great barrier reef! Stand up paddle boarding! And then I realised I have to wear swimmers and I suddenly wasn't excited at all anymore. A bit like my school work it doesn't matter how thin or fit or hairless I am I always feel like it's 'not enough' and feel self conscious and unhappy-cuts out lots of fun I could be having and that makes me really sad :( And I really have no idea what to do about it.
Another example would be an exercise class I tagged along to with my mum, I nearly turned tail and went home to change into loose pants as I didn't want anyone to see me in my exercise tights. Despite the fact that everyone else was wearing them. Why do I feel that way?!
And lastly me and my sister are going to Europe in July and I'm worried about not being able to do things on my own if she's being difficult, I also want to wear some dresses but I'm worried about feeling to self conscious and it ruining the trip :(
I'm so sick of over thinking all the time! I just want to be carefree and enjoy life, why is that so hard?