I just want to start this post by saying that I realise that it's my own well...reticence? Maybe?....that is in some ways stopping me, I just want to preface with that as I'm sure some of this won't make sense to some people.
Alrighty, reasons I'm not dating:
1. I've never dated before. I haven't a clue where to start. What do I wear? Where do we go? Worst of all what do I talk about? I suck at small talk. How do I know if I want to see someone again? What if they like me but I don't like them? Or visa versa? I mean I get that that happens all the time but it's still gotta be an emotional strain. What if rumours are spread about me being a weird awkward person? Hence ruining any future chances I might have. What if I happen to accidentally agree to meet someone who I know in real life? Only happens if online dating of course.
2.I live in an area that's a 35 minute drive to the nearest town (where everyone knows everyone) or more likely an hours drive to the nearest big city. This is difficult as I don't drive. I could ask them to pick me up, but that seems unfair to me and then there's the fact that I'd have to explain to my mother. Um no thankyou. Ditto if I ask her for a lift.
3. Joining online dating means I have to put pics of myself on the net. I hate pics of myself for a start but worse what if someone I know sees them? Or even worse someone my mum knows. Also there are so many rules with pics, they mustn't be selfies, or just you face, or without friends or with friends-so confusing! What if I get no interest? What if I get all the wrong kind of interest? How do I tell if it's safe to meet someone? What if they want to talk on the phone first? I'll never get anywhere if thats the case, my phone manner is shocking.
4. Fear. Probably the biggest one. What if I try and fail? At least as it is I can still conceivably think it could work fine because I haven't tried. This is really counter productive obviously. Being scared to meet somebody, anybody new, it's hard to explain how much this freaks me out, I'd love to just snap my fingers and get over it but I can't. And hanging out with someone who's terrified of you likely isn't going to be a good time.
5. The fear it may actually work. That I'll have to account for myself to someone. That I'll have to explain to my mum and family that I have a boyfriend, I cringe just thinking of it. That they will/won't want to get married when I do. That they'll want kids straight away or not at all. That they won't like the way I dress or cook or whatever.
6. I edited the post to add these 2 that I forgot: Fear of admitting my inexperience (I've never even kissed someone), what should I do? Makeup a story? Like I haven't kissed anyone since I was 16 so don't expect me to be any good! Be honest? Say nothing? And if I get called out then what? It's embarrassing to think about having to admit this to someone.
7. If I do finally get to that all important point how will I feel? Will I be good enough? Will they like my body? Will they enjoy teaching me? Will I be comfortable exposing myself like that to someone?
So as I said it may not make a whole lotta sense. But there it is.
PS Is it just me or is the blogasphere being pretty quiet lately?