University:
Still freaking out. Not likely to change anytime soon I'd say. Still worried about my age and the fact that I think I act a lot younger due to lack of experience. My sister is still flaky, and my mother is being all passive aggressive at her to top it all off. I'm waiting to see if I get accepted and if I do I'll start some tutoring just so I don't feel all at sea (I hope!), I've also found some free online courses which might be okay too. If I don't get accepted then I need to think about bridging courses or wether or not I want to do something else. At the moment nothing comes to mind.....although I have always wanted to learn how to crochet.....:)
Update: While I was writing this post I got an email, I didn't get into Biomedical, which to be fair I didn't think I would, despite that it always feels like a personal rejection. I hope I hear back about the Science soon, waiting is bad and I want to be able to make plans without this hanging over my head. Crochet it may be after all.
Being social:
No. I ran into an old friend from the popular group I hung out with in high school today, she's always been really nice and still is, we chatted for a bit (she works in aged care now) and I kicked myself after for being the most awkwardest awkward person ever *sigh* I'm so far behind in my social skills already and that added to my reserved nature make me fee like this one is an un-winnable fight. Oh and then I read about Phil Kessel (a hockey player) who got passed up in the draft (this is years ago) because he was 'shy' and seemed 'unlikeable', what did they want him for exactly-to play pro sport or be a movie star? That really pissed me off. People should be judged in their ability not on wether they are 'likeable' or 'shy', not everyone is a gregarious, confident extrovert and why do they have to be if that's not their job? Or maybe I'm just jealous.
Thoughts on romance:
I think a lot of people kid themselves about what compromise in a relationship is-I think compromise is agreeing to throw out a dress he really hates or go to a thai restaurant when you’d like chinese better, I get there are bigger compromises to be made of course, like he wants 10 kids and you want 1 so you compromise on 3, she wants to paint the bedroom hot pink and you want army green therefore you compromise on pale blue cause you both can live with it but I don’t think putting up with being monitored constantly or changing yourself completely is compromise and often I think people are willing to let these kinds of things slip or try to excuse them as compromise due to the stigma society places on being single-sure we say ‘better single than unhappy!’ or ‘you’re better off single than in a bad relationship’ but society does not practice what it preaches, if you are over 30 and say you left a guy because you ‘just’ weren’t happy then maybe you should have tried harder to make it work, finding a guy after 30 is hard you know! Or you’re being too fussy when you leave that guy who wants to know exactly where you are at all times because he was ‘just being protective!’, this is less of an issue for the guys (more women to choose from I guess) if he says ‘I dumped her cause she was crazy’ he’ll probably get a pat on the back-so why not extend the same courtesy to women? Of course there’s the chance that he too will be scolded for dumping Halle because ‘she was so hot! Sure she smashed all your plates, but who cares!’. You dumped a dude because he was in a dead end job and hated his life and was making yours miserable to match? You’re over 30? Good for you! You didn’t go on a second date with that girl who only seemed interested in your salary? Well done! Why should you (male or female) have to put up with verbal abuse or constant fighting or belittlement or someone who disappears for a few days and then won’t tell you where they were or just makes you generally unhappy-guess what? You shouldn’t. Tell aunt Mauve where to go next time she starts telling you ‘you should be married by now’ or ‘why didn’t you give Andrew a second chance? After all he only got arrested that one time!’.
A good example of the single stigma is Cameron Diaz, now for whatever reason by choice or otherwise, Cameron isn’t married and hasn’t had children. Go on google it. You’ll turn up results like ‘Cameron desperate for a family!’ or ‘Cameron perpetual bachelorette! Why she can’t keep a guy!’ sure maybe she is desperate for a family, maybe she is really difficult. But maybe she’s not either, maybe she just isn’t willing to settle for something that doesn’t make her happy, yet those are the headlines. You see similar ones for Jennifer Anniston, she has a boyfriend now but if the press is to believed women with babies should be careful around her as she may try to steal one.
On a side note I’d like to point out that Cameron is a beautiful women and she seems like a really nice person, yet she’s not married and she doesn’t have a family-this is heartening for those of us who think there has to be something ‘wrong’ with us because we have trouble finding partners. I don’t see a thing wrong with Cameron. It just hasn’t happened for her yet.
I think for goal orientated people relationships can be really frustrating, they are one of the few things that no amount of hard work, practice and discipline can get you. Sure there are things you can do to skew things in your favour, like dating as much as possible, but the fact remains no amount of hard yards are going to make you click with someone, no amount of studying can create chemistry. You can’t ‘train’ to meet someone like you can train for a marathon. It’s frustrating that no matter how hard you’re willing to work there are no guarantees.
I also don’t believe in ‘the one’ I think there are lots of ‘the ones’ I think it’s just a matter of meeting them and hitting it off-right place, right time. Which involves a level of luck I’m not really comfortable with given the lack of it in my past. I also realise the older I get the harder it’s going to get. And I’ve yet to find a way to pause time........I’m working on it ;)
I'm also having a hard time feeling validated by myself, I keep wondering who I'm dressing for and if the things I do are as important when I don't have a partner. That I'm not as important because I've never had a partner and might never have one. Who am I living for?
Which brings me to-
Fashion:
I've realised I have multiple personalities when it comes to fashion, namely 'jeans and T-shirt' and 'Girly' (there's also I-might-get-something-gross-on-this-so-I'll-wear-stuff-with-holes-in-it but I don't count it, as its for practicality and no other reason). Here are some examples for you:
Jeans and shirt-this is me 99% of the time (although I don't think I look as cute as these girls), I don't even really have to think about it, I never wear heels or tuck my shirt in though.
And now here's Girly, which is the style I love but have trouble with.....
Also I am loving the knee socks and boots thing-pity we're coming up for summer here.
Music:
Apart from Lana Del Rey, diet mountain dew is my favourite at the moment, I'm loving Always by Panama
Now when they bring out that app for time travel I’ll be set.....
That's it for now,
Vanessa
Interesting post - I found myself agreeing with some parts and disagreeing with others!
ReplyDelete"...[I] don’t believe in ‘the one’... I think there are lots of ‘the ones’..." - I agree, and I feel like this takes some pressure off. For people who think there's just one "the one" - what if they're in a remote village in Mongolia or something? I don't know - maybe the idea works for some people but I prefer your version.
"I’ve yet to find a way to pause time..." - I find that time goes faster each year. Something about getting older. It really doesn't seem possible to pause it, so I think it pays to try things rather than staying in limbo - but you probably knew I was going to say that!
"You can’t ‘train’ to meet someone like you can train for a marathon..." - I disagree with this. I feel like this is exactly what I did. I was crap at dating and I trained and got better at it. Practice helps. It won't magically instantly solve everything but it really helps.
Bottom-middle and bottom-right of the Girly outfit pictures: hell yeah.
Don't worry, I sometimes disagree with myself also......which probably isn't normal ;)
DeleteExactly! Just the same as you can be friends with many different people, there's no 'one' person who's perfect.
Yes and doesn't it suck so bad? I know exactly where you're coming from re having a go at things but my problem right now is, what things? I'm currently in a weird limbo....
Ah what I guess I meant by that is that no matter how hard you 'train' at dating you can't make it work in your favour if the spark just isn't there, I get that you can definitely make things better in the dating field-it gives me hope!
I agree-there's something about the girl in the grey dress......also I'd mug her for those boots!
Vanessa
"...currently in a weird limbo..." - I still think it might be possible to try online dating somehow (in a large city or town somewhat close to you.) I know you have transportation issues, but it seems to me that you could find a way to get somewhere for one or two dates a month if necessary. It might be trickier if you had a new first date every night but I think you'll be more selective and only meet people after a fair bit of online contact.
Delete"...you can't make it work in your favour if the spark just isn't there..." - ah, but here's the thing: if the spark isn't there, then you won't want it to work in your favour! This is one lesson I learned and it actually makes things easier. I used to think "if only I knew how to make people like me if I like them!" But I found that it's much better to be myself and find someone who likes me as I am. It sounds like a cliche, but it seems that a lot of cliches are true. I've dated people where they weren't that keen on me and I was trying to hang on anyway, and I've dated people where they liked me without my having to force it. The second way is much better! It just means you might need to cycle through more candidates to find them, which is why I think dating is partly a numbers game and it's helpful to get out there and start cycling through some candidates!
You are definitely 100% right-where there's a will there's a way, only problem with that is that I don't think I'm ready for it. If the thundering of heart at the mere thought is any indication that is, who knows maybe guys find panic attacks hot? ;) I think just getting back into generally being around people, getting my social skills a bit more practiced before I started dating would be the way to go. Hence why uni seemed like such a good idea. But maybe not. I don't really know any other way to go about it. I hate admitting I feel that way incidentally-it seems like being a failure at being human somehow, like I have this huge inherent fault and I'll never do any good at the social side of life.
DeleteTrue. It took me a long while to realise if seeing your friends doesn't make you happy you probably shouldn't be friends with them. It's not worth it just for the sake of having a 'friend'.
Vanessa
Maybe you're right about practicing being around people more first. If you did get into uni, when would uni actually start? I guess I'm hoping that within the next few months you'll make some progress towards dating, but maybe that's partly me being impatient (I can recognise that I feel impatient with my former self, when thinking back to my early 20s, and in a way I'm projecting that onto you, if that makes sense.)
DeleteIt does sound like you're really hard on yourself sometimes, which seems like it could just make things harder - it sets up a spiral where you tell yourself negative things and then that makes you feel like you can't do things and then you don't do them and then you get more negative. Have you been telling yourself that you're awesome recently? I think it's really helpful if you can be a good friend to yourself. Imagine if you talked to a friend the way you talk to yourself sometimes - telling them that they'll never do any good. That friend wouldn't be helped by that, right? I think it's useful to talk to yourself in the way that you would talk to a friend you wanted to be supportive and nice to, or in the way you would want a supportive and nice friend to talk to you. For instance: you're a nice friendly person in this corner of blogworld! You have good fashion ideas! You have great hair! (Based on your photo!) You ran a business which won awards! You're not one of those jerks who hates gay marriage! I suggest spending lots more time talking positively to yourself about yourself, and lots less time repeating negative stuff to yourself.
Uni starts in February. I do understand, I'm impatient with myself too-for all the good it does me :)
DeleteI can be hard on myself. And I would never be any thing but encouraging to a friend or family member. It can just be hard to shake that feeling that you've f*cked up your life and you'll never be able to progress or fix it.
But you're right, I do have great hair ;)
Vanessa