It felt sort of like these last few weeks I've been drifting along thinking that going to uni would be good for me, maybe I could go on exchange (daydreaming about the life I'd like and that maybe could finally start) but being there felt like a huge reality check, like I was being jolted back into my own world, my own body and that those things might never happened. I looked at all the other students and wondered why I'd ever get picked for an exchange anyway. It was horrible I felt self conscious and unhappy.
Then my sister started her usual let-me-make-this-as-difficult-for-everyone-as-possible song and dance, which sucks. She hates her job and wants to quit, spends everyday unhappy and most evenings complaining constantly about her life/job, yet when she gets the opportunity to change it she has to make it as hard as possible or worse still back out-she's driving my mother to distraction, and she lives with me so imagine how bad it is ;) And after yesterday I've realised how unrealistic it was of me for even thinking I could start on my own, I think after a few weeks once the dust settled I'd be okay but to start I think I'd have a nervous breakdown. But my sister is already trying to make things difficult. And it's making me feel pretty mopey as I really want to move forward but I can't rely on her not changing her mind at any moment. That's if I even get in. *sigh*
Then I looked at a few blogs and saw posts with people having fun with friends and felt even sadder.
Maybe it's not the life I'm going to ever have, which seems unfair. Oh and then my mother kindly pointed out how much more normal my sister is than me-I think she meant it in solidarity but I didn't really want to hear it.
Here are some hair styles I like, just to lighten this up a bit!